Lerae Rowney meets a crusader examining childhood beyond the media hype and stereotype.

"Children now love luxury. They have bad manners and contempt for authority. They show disrespect to their elders. Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers." How often do you hear such comments or, perhaps, voice them? Tut - kids today, right? Well, you may be surprised to hear the words are actually by Socrates in 500BCE.

The perceptions and realities of children and childhood throughout history, and the current erosion of childhood innocence, are at the heart of a newly published book, "Consuming Innocence: Popular Culture and our Children", by Dr Karen Brooks.

Associate Professor of Media Studies at Southern Cross University in Lismore (NSW), Brooks is also a columnist for the Courier-Mail, a feature writer for Child magazine, and a media commentator. She has a son (23) and a daughter (20). As such, she is well placed to comment on her self confessed "love hate and contradictory" relationship with the media.

Brooks is convinced, somewhat controversially, that popular culture is not the enemy, and says "we're all complicit in the erosion of childhood" - parents, the media, and manufacturers and marketers of children's clothes, toys, music, movies etc.

"Culture, popular and unpopular, is the ideological equivalent of fast food - only unlike fast food, and despite what we're being told by everyone from politicians to the guardians of education to concerned parents and grandparents, it is, when filtered through the right processes, full of nutrients."

"Consuming Innocence" is the offspring of nearly seven years of dedicated research (there's 40 pages of references and footnotes), selecting children's products, interviewing and writing, including a stint in the US.

In it, Brooks delivers an articulate, fascinating, entertaining and, at times, frightening, work that melds insightful media analysis with practical parenting advice.

I ask Brooks what motivated her.

"What fascinated me was the way people either demonised popular culture or were very light hearted about it and didn't believe it affected them in any way, shape or form. I knew that neither was the right answer. With young people, in particular, there had been and continues to be so much debate as to what degree, if at all, popular culture should be addressed at home and in the classroom.

"So what I started out to do was write a book that would guide parents, teachers and children through the sticky terrain of popular culture. But in researching it and talking to loads of young people, parents, teachers and 'experts', I found my direction changing as I started to realise just how insidious marketing to children is and how much popular culture does work to shape children's (and adults') identities, yet also how much parents could intervene in that process. The fact is that many adults feel powerless or are absent in many ways in terms of their kids interacting with popular culture.

"I want to put adults back into the equation."

The other main driving force, for Brooks, was the sexualisation of children. Yet she's quick to stress that it's not sexuality and children that's the problem, ("sexuality is completely natural, even in young children"), but the commodification of it, the exploitation of it, that's the demon.

Brooks promises that by reading her book, parents will be able to "reduce the risk of your child's innocence being consumed and, subsequently, their childhood disappearing. You'll discover how to talk to your kids about the culture that consumes them, that defines them. And your kids will love you for it."

In addition to quoting many authorities including paediatricians, child psychologists, marketing consultants and books written specifically for advertisers of children's products, what impressed me most is that Brooks spoke to children in her research. She agrees that, while this would seem an obvious step, it isn't actually that common.

"Yes, I noticed in a lot of studies the absence of [dialogue] with children. And what there was, was largely the result of focus groups or laboratory work." Acknowledging the stressful and "unnatural" element for children inherent in such approaches, Brooks instead established "natural" environments in children's own homes - gaining their trust and interacting with the children via their own toys, clothes, and DVDs, for example.

"I learned so much from them. I went in with one set of assumptions and left with a completely different set."

Her advice is to understand and relate to your children through popular culture, not to ban it.
"You can't ban it. It's not going to go away. It's ubiquitous. It's everywhere so it's incumbent upon us to empower ourselves, to educate ourselves, about what our children have access to."

Brooks' message is loud and clear: communicate with your children. Find out what appeals to them in popular culture and why.

I suggest, "How can you possibly relate if you don't know, watch, experience and listen?"

"Exactly. I encountered this over and over. One example that springs to mind was a group of mothers in Sydney who regularly bought a particular girls' magazine for their daughters and who, when I pointed out some of the articles and topics covered, were absolutely horrified and said they would never buy it again. "That's not actually the response I hoped for, and I said: 'It's your choice if you buy it, or anything else, for your children. But make it an informed choice'."

I ask Brooks what she feels is the number one priority parents should address when considering purchasing an item for a child.

"I'd ask, 'Does it reflect my values and those I want to instil in my child?' "Every time we buy age inappropriate clothing, toys, CDs, DVDs and electronic games, or allow a child access to material that's not suitable, we're complicit in 'eroding the magic of childhood'.

"We pay lip service to the loss of childhood, and yet do very little in real terms to prevent it. Innocence is something that adults have to protect and preserve. These days, it's as much a marketing ploy as it's an adjective." Brooks has coined the term "cultural paedophilia" to encompass the whole of society every time we allow our children to emulate adult role models and celebrities in any way through dress, makeup or attitude in public. By allowing others to view them, and in purchasing the clothes and products, watching the programs or music videos alongside our kids, she insists we're condoning cultural paedophilia.

While Brooks acknowledges that in many ways lif is more demanding for children today, does she also believe it's harder for parents?

"Yes, I do. Sure, when you look at appliances and time saving gadgets we do have it easier. But the number of things that influence our kids today is much greater - the objects, ideas, values - and we find it hard to stem and control. We're also being persuaded to believe that instilling manners and curbing 'attitude' is either too hard or old fashioned."

Added to this unhealthy mix, she says, and exclusive to this generation, is the unprecedented influence peers have in children's lives - coupled with the common portrayal in TV programs and films of parents and other adults as objects of ridicule, meanness or cruelty; often absent either physically or emotionally (or both) while peers and celebrities take their place as guides and role models. Brooks is adamant that parents need to redress this unhealthy imbalance in perception, and cites a startling discovery in her research: a survey asked children who their greatest heroes were and the overwhelming majority nominated their parents.

"I find it really sad that we don't harness that. Sharing your tastes and attitudes helps kids understand why you deny them certain objects and activities."

Brooks warns against feeling pressured by anyone else - corporations, friends, relatives, neighbours, your kids - to conform. Instead, we should seek to pass on values of self worth to our kids - not the notion that they are and will be measured by what they own.

And while she acknowledges that peers can be cruel to kids who don't have the 'right stuff', she maintains "we're nurturing acquisitive children as opposed to inquisitive ones".

"Instead of standing our ethical ground, shoring up our kids' sense of self and teaching them about values and emphasising what is important, we take the easy way out and buy more."

And as we all know, presents are never substitutes for presence.

Given our largely cash rich/time poor society, I ask what she believes is to blame.

"I think it's a mixture of apathy, laziness, seeing your child as a status symbol, competitive parenting, 'too good' intentions as a provider and not seeing what's best for your child. And sometimes that's saying 'no'. "A lot of parents have best intentions. They don't want their children to be deprived (as perhaps they were) or teased or left out."
Do parents need to re-evaluate their priorities?

"Definitely. Being time poor can become an excuse. It's about striking a balance. Look, parenting is bloody hard work. And every family situation is different. There's no perfect guide book or recipe."

Her advice is to start interacting when your children are really young. At the very least, sample what your children are watching and listening to, be responsible and don't rely on someone else who may not share your values. And while Brooks stresses that parents need to be proactive, she also warns against trying to be your child's best friend.
"That is not a parent's role. In fact, psychologically it is incredibly damaging. Your role is to prepare your children for adulthood. If you're a good parent, a good adult role model in that you provide fair but flexible boundaries that are age appropriate, are there to offer counsel and advice (and you've got to be disciplined), then there will come a time when your adult child will become your friend."

She firmly believes that loving our kids doesn't mean giving in to them, pretending to share their tastes in music, fashion or even friends, or refusing to express legitimate feelings of irritation, disappointment or outrage. And that includes saying "no".

"Children both want and need boundaries. Kids want to be controlled. They don't want control. Sometimes they test us so we can prove to them we have control and can protect them, look after them. Out of control kids are anxious kids. They want reassurance."

Some readers may find a few of Brooks' assertions and conclusions confronting and controversial, including:

* Why toy guns and play "violence" are necessary * Why kids don't always have to come first, and * Being "ordinary" is okay and how, through insisting our children are "special" and "amazing", we're setting them up for failure. Brooks elaborates on this last point: "Parents, again with the best of intentions, search for something unique and special in their child - something that sets them apart from other children. Often, they over structure their child's lives with lessons and activities. But it's about the child reflecting who we are rather than us allowing the child to find out who they are." I ask Brooks if she agrees with the adage, "It takes a village to raise a child."

"Largely, yes. And today the TV has largely taken over the traditional 'village' role, but we need to know who the 'villagers' are and just what influence they are having.

"Parents, and teachers, too, have been made to feel guilty and disempowered. I think we need to learn to trust our instincts, and raise our children to be who we want them to be, not what corporations and marketing forces, our kid's peers or other parents tell us they should be."

Brooks quotes the cartoon environmental warrior Captain Planet: "The power is yours", adding, "Use it wisely".
A final piece of advice?

"Reintroduce 'no' into your vocabulary."

I am impressed by Brooks' passion, intellect, wit and warmth. Reading her book and speaking with her has made me even more grateful to my parents than I already was. In giving of themselves - their time, care, involvement and interest - they truly went "above and beyond".

And when it comes to our children, shouldn't we all?

Consuming Innocence: Popular Culture and our Children
Dr Karen Brooks
University of Queensland Press
RRP $34.95