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Dr Charmaine Saunders shares some of her favourite ways to warm the heart.
 Some
years ago, a friend asked me what I cherished in my
life and I said, "Nothing." Her look of astonishment
was followed by the question, "Why on earth not?"
I told her that it wasn't a word I related to. If it
were substituted by "appreciate", I'd have
a long list to offer her. Funny how our perceptions
are shaped by our language and vice versa.
What does it mean to "cherish" and does it
differ from "appreciate"? I think cherish
has a more tender quality, more emotional, whereas appreciate
is more analytical and objective, which is probably
why I favour the latter. Not that I'm unemotional, but
as a Libran, the only zodiac sign represented by an
inanimate object, I have a talent for being able to
step out of situations and examine them from a distance.
That's all well and good, but I've decided that in
2008, I will learn the art of cherishing - to hold things
dear - for that's basically what the word means. There
are so many things that I value (another objective word!)
and I'm going to love them more dearly from now on,
without fear. A big New Year resolution, indeed! The
start of a new year is the perfect time to review the
past and plan for the future, learn from mistakes and
disappointments, chart a better course for the coming
12 months. So, here are a few of my favourite things
to cherish.
PEOPLE
I've begun with the most difficult one. It's hard to
cherish people because it's like boxing shadows. People
are mercurial, disappointing, unpredictable, sometimes
unlovable, even when we love them a lot. Then there
are all those pesky strangers who get in our way, are
rude to us, drive us mad on the road, want things we
can't or don't wish to give. How do we cherish people?
There's only one way. To accept. That's a big word,
one I personally find extremely challenging. What makes
acceptance possible is not seeing it as capitulation
or surrender, not resignation or settling. It's saying
that it's okay to be different, that love is blind to
what separates us. It's placing the focus instead on
what unites and binds. Cherishing family, friends and
even strangers is vital to a balanced life, one rich
in connection and wholeness.
SELF
Perhaps, after all, this is the most difficult one.
To cherish oneself is the same as loving others. It
requires acceptance and the kind of friendship and unconditional
love so essential to strong, healthy relationships.
So often, I feel, we are best friends and support systems
to everyone but ourselves. If a friend came to us with
a curly problem or admission of a mistake, we would
be helpful and understanding. Yet in the same sense,
we don't offer such comfort to ourselves. We are instead
critical and judgemental. Cherishing Self means seeing
our own worth, not in an arrogant, puffed up way, but
finding ourselves worthy to be counted in this world,
to make a contribution and be happy. It's so simple
yet so difficult. We can practise cherishing ourselves
by starting with practical tokens of appreciation for
our daily efforts, such as:
* praising ourselves for a job well done * giving ourselves
treats on a regular basis * surrounding ourselves with
positive people * looking after our bodies, minds and
spirits * allowing ourselves to just be happy in the
moment * reducing the negatives in our lives * valuing
our own skills and abilities
TIME
Valuing time is crucial in order to lead a balanced,
peaceful life. Using time in a productive but unstressful
way is a daily challenge. These days, complaints abound
about the lack of time and the speed of time, but the
secret is time management, not getting more of it, which
is impossible, anyway. Here are some tips for improving
time management:
* don't overload daily schedules * achieve balance
in work, play, time alone, rest, sleep * make lists,
set goals and utilise planners/diaries that are helpful
* maintain a steady, unpressured attitude * set small,
achievable tasks that are manageable at each sitting
* maintain focus and discipline in getting things done
In these ways, time becomes an ally, not the enemy.
WORK
Kahlil Gibran said this about work: "`All work
is empty save when there is love. Work is love made
visible."
The problem is that most people think of work as a
necessary evil, something that has to be done in order
to "make a living", to pay for our needs and
wants and to get life's goodies. We see it as an acceptable
trade off, but is it really? What are we trading? Eight
hours a day every day of our lives for payment? To me,
that's not a fair bargain, especially if we're doing
work we hate. Not everyone can be, or wishes to be,
self employed, but there are literally thousands of
ways to have jobs doing what we love. If you love books,
share that passion with others as a librarian or writer;
if you are a good swimmer, teach that skill; if you're
an artist, find a way to make money from your singing,
painting, crafts; if you love to help people, well,
the list of possibilities is endless. If you really
hate what you're currently doing, find something else.
Trust that you can.
Cherish work. The lucky ones have a vocation and would
do their jobs with or without payment; the rest use
their skills as best they can to earn a living. Regardless
of which category you fall into, be glad to be of use
and for the gift of serving others and fulfilling yourself.
THE EARTH
We know we live in a fragile environment. Nowadays,
we're told so on a daily basis. The point, though, shouldn't
be fear, but respect. Most of us don't dump rubbish
in our own homes or let our plants die or treat our
pets cruelly, so why is it okay to stand by and watch
whole eco systems disappear, the wonderful giants of
the sea, the whales, being hunted out of existence along
with many, many other endangered species, to use resources
carelessly, and to not care for the disadvantaged, poor
and hungry in our world? We're allowed to be lazy, careless
and indifferent - but it's not okay. If cherishing means
holding dear, what else should we cherish more than
the Earth, our Mother, who gives us life and all the
beauties and pleasures of the physical world? A simple
way to value the Earth is to treat it as we would our
dearest asset, our friend, which it actually is.
LIFE
Ultimately, each of us is given the greatest possible
gift at the moment of our conception - life itself.
Out of all the billions of potential beings, we are
made and then born into these perfect creatures that
can think and feel and laugh and cry and enjoy and hurt.
Most of us take it totally for granted, either cynically,
carelessly or simply mindlessly. I don't believe we
are here by accident or that our existence is miniscule,
given the vastness of the universe. Each life has purpose,
whether we know it or not. Some are born with an acute
awareness of their mission. Others bumble along, drifting
without direction, hoping for the best.
It doesn't matter how important or unimportant your
life path appears to be; you can still embrace it fully.
I used to always say that on my deathbed, I want to
be able to say that I've left something valuable behind;
now I say I want to know I enjoyed the journey. Pleasure
is integral to cherishing. You would hardly cherish
something that causes you pain or is harmful or hurtful
to you. So, make your ordinary, daily life a work of
art. Sculpt it, shape it, make it what you love. Then
cherishing life will come easily.
You may think that you're cherishing too many negative
things and not enough positive but think about it -
is it possible to cherish unhealthy, harmful things?
The word cherish connotes the positive, the things that
warm our hearts and lift our spirits. Find what those
things are for you and cherishing will become second
nature.
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