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 The
inner life, rather than the outer trappings, is the
rock on which we build true happiness, says Charlotte
Francis.
When I think of foundations, two Biblical parables
we studied at school come to mind; the one about not
sowing seed on stony ground and the other one cautioning
against building a house on sand. I was also brought
up to believe that a good job and a roof over one's
head were essential to achieving success, happiness
and security.
In today's world of flux and transition, it's unlikely
that we will stay in the same job for life, live in
the same house or, in many cases, remain long-term in
the same relationship. In our highly mobile, acquisitive
and globalised society, we are always on the move with
few of the traditional - largely material - securities
to anchor us.
If our sense of security is based on a job, a house,
a relationship, material goods or status, we set ourselves
up for a possible fall. We may get sick, depressed,
disillusioned, apathetic, angry or downright cynical
when these foundations turn out to be transient, flimsy
and inadequate. You've only got to think of the post-Christmas
flat feeling that besets those who take a one sided
retail based approach to the holiday season. Not only
do hordes of people rush out to the January sales, but
research from eBay shows that in recent years Australians
have auctioned a massive $707 million worth of unwanted
Christmas gifts. If the festive season is all about
tinsel, glitter and presents, rather than a time of
rest and reflection to celebrate peace and goodwill,
the cracks soon begin to show.
The danger of creating a lifestyle that is externally
focused, and of basing our happiness on the latest purchase
or achievement is that it could vanish in a puff of
smoke. We might, for example, be made redundant, break
up with a partner, or lose money on the stock market.
Then what? How do we cope if all our props have vanished
and we have nothing deeper to sustain us?
We need to build our life's house on firm foundations,
taking time to develop our inner strengths and beliefs
so we can withstand the shifting sands when they blow
through our lives and challenge our preconceptions,
fixed ideas and safety nets. It's not surprising that
the demise of institutionalised religion has been matched
by a growing interest in Eastern philosophies and spiritual
enquiry that look inward for guidance rather than to
outward representations of authority.
It may take one of those "puff of smoke"
crises to shake us out of our complacency and question
our core values, beliefs and rules for living. While
society and the media encourage us to get on the career
and property ladder, work, work, work, do, do, do, move
on up and save for our old age, we need to step back
and think about our own individual goals and find out
what we care about, what inspires us, what brings us
joy and what kind of legacy we want to leave behind.
We have to ask ourselves the question: "What do
I hold most important in this life?"
Once we have gone through a process of soul searching,
we may need to do some serious weeding, sifting out
and discarding everything that no longer serves or nourishes
us. And that may involve some tough decisions. "It
always comes back to the same necessity: go deep enough
and there is a bedrock of truth, however hard."
Wise words from May Sarton.
I know several people who, disillusioned with their
careers and the shifting goals of fickle management
teams, have recently left senior jobs. Courageous enough
to resign without another job to fill the vacuum, many
of them have come to realise that the roles they have
been performing, while well paid and respected, simply
don't resonate with who they are or allow them live
by the values and ethics they hold important.
More often than not, their focus shifts from earning
capacity to potential for self fulfilment, from the
pursuit of personal power to serving a more community
minded goal, from what they think they ought to do to
something they are passionate about. The city executive
may ditch the briefcase for shorts and singlet and head
off to teach in rural Africa, the company director may
retrain as a plumber and enjoy practical work uncomplicated
by office politics. The lawyer who slogged through law
school to please his father, may finally pick up a paintbrush
and experiment with a blank canvas.
If we force ourselves to be something we are not, to
do what pleases others and is applauded by society,
we will end up with a battle between our inner and outer
persona. No amount of achievement, retail therapy or
excellent bottles of wine will block out the conflict.
We need to look within, develop a strong sense of self:
self worth, self belief, self acceptance - and be guided
by our inner voice.
Sometimes, the most risky decisions that appear to
be mere castles in the air turn out to the most successful
and meaningful. If we are able to silence the clamour
of the know-it-all outside world and follow our inner
conviction, we will succeed. The story of this year's
Telstra Australian Business Woman of the Year is an
inspiring example of the power of self belief. Leanne
Preston was a single mother of three with no job and
little money when she conceived the idea for what is
now a successful global business.
Discovering nits in her youngest daughter's hair, Leanne
was horrified at the toxic ingredients listed in standard
lice treatment shampoos. Determined to come up with
a natural alternative, she experimented with essential
flower and plant oils in her kitchen, and came up with
a prototype treatment. With the help of friends she
set up production in a farm shed in the South West of
Australia. As a result, her company, Wild Child, was
born.
Inspired by wanting to make a difference in the lives
of others, Leanne followed her conviction and has challenged
international opinion on healthcare products to develop
an all natural range. Guided by caring values and strong
ethics, Wild Child not only sponsors a number of causes,
but is funding research into a natural insecticide that
could help prevent the spread of mosquito-borne diseases.
From single mother at the kitchen sink to CEO of a global
company about to launch in the US, this is a remarkable
story and demonstrates that faith in an idea and a passionate
determination to develop it is as important, if not
more so, than having sufficient material resources.
Another example of an individual who was guided by
inner conviction and passion is Jonathon Welch, who
set up the Choir of Hard Knocks. Hearing him interviewed
recently, it was clear that his decision to do something
positive to help those marginalised in the community
was something akin to a calling.
Jonathon has given many of these individuals a sense
of purpose and self worth. Isolated in the community,
he has brought together homeless individuals, many of
them fighting the demon drink or drugs, and given them
a sense of belonging, purpose and self worth. While
there may be little change in the material circumstances
of their lives, they have been enriched by participating
in a creative project, sharing their stories and creating
beautiful songs. The depth and emotion in some of their
voices is enough to make your spine tingle.
By placing less emphasis on the accepted norms and
institutionalised truths, we can carve out our own unique
niche. Deep down, we all have access to great creative
strength, connectedness, wisdom and power. It's just
a case of having the courage to access it and then act
upon it. As the Talmud says, "Every blade of grass
has its Angel that bends over it and whispers, 'Grow,
Grow'."
Living in an increasingly regulated world with nanny
state health and safety policies threatening to smother
spontaneity and individuality, we have to work even
harder to hang on to our wisdom, spiritual beliefs and
sense of right and wrong. Otherwise, even our bodies
become subject to rigid guidelines of what is best for
us. We need to create our own path through the minefield
of "shoulds" and "oughts", dogma
and doctrine.
In her book, The Body Has Its Reasons, ThŽrse
Bertherat challenges the medical establishment with
its one-size-fits-all view of health and fitness, and
encourages readers and students to listen to their bodies
and not "submit to the authority of specific training".
She is not keen on "mastering" a sport and
developing the habit of shortening muscles, but on developing
a more fluid and self aware approach to the body, learning
to organise movement from within and letting the body
live its own life and not the one we think is right.
"When we live in our body, we give it life,"
she says, and encourages us to lengthen our image of
ourselves through the "elasticity" of the
muscles.
Her suggestions for achieving free, harmonious and
integrated physical movement are valid for how we live
our lives. If we get stuck in head versus heart power
struggles, are slavish followers of fashion, obey too
many rules, stifle our individuality and ignore our
inner guidance, we create internal tension. ThŽrse
attributes physical stiffness to repressed emotion and
an over-keen sense of duty and obligation.
We would do well to direct our efforts and energies
into being grounded in and guided by our individuality,
recognising the limits of human authority and constantly
working to strengthen our spiritual muscle; the part
of us that knows what is best, which fork in the road
we should take and when. That way, we can fulfil our
true potential and, with our feet firmly on the ground
and our hearts connected to everything and everyone
around us, be better equipped to withstand life's peaks
and troughs, lulls and storms, changes and challenges.
Robert Louis Stevenson summed it up nicely:
"To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying
Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer,
is to have kept your soul alive."
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