We're all on the path to enlightenment, says relationships counsellor Dr Charmaine Saunders. We can learn the hard way, or we can embrace the process. She offers her guidance.

Enlightenment is consciousness. Enlightenment is wisdom. Enlightenment is spiritual awareness.

There are many paths to this state of being. Some are deliberate, chosen; others, we find ourselves on just through the business of living and the daily choices we make. The latter is the more painful route, the road not chosen. We've all been through it in one way or another, regardless of our age, lifestyles or life experience. A crisis, a tragedy, a death, a loss -- any of these can force enlightenment upon us and yes, the rewards are deep and rich but earned the painful way.

I for one prefer to learn my lessons as effortlessly as possible so that's what I put out to the Universe at the start of each new month, each new year, each solar return (birthdays)-- may I learn my lessons painlessly. Since I've begun asking, my prayer has been greeted with a measure of clarity that indeed allows me to garner whatever insight I'm meant to have more quickly and easily. I no longer have to experience all the angst, dramas and prolonged emotional catharsis I used to. The challenges still come, of course, because I'm alive and here and a human being, but I see them differently. When we look back at the particularly dark periods of our past and revisit the loneliness, isolation, confusion, hopelessness, self pity, the sheer hurt, we wonder how we got through it and straightaway also comes the memory of the gifts that accompanied even the worst agonies.

We humans are magnificent, beautifully flawed, brave and spirited, most of all, resilient. Enlightenment is worth whatever we have to do to get it. But the smart way is to choose it, embrace the process, whether it be traditional religion, Eastern religion, Yoga, meditation, New Age principles, bodywork, whatever path appeals to you. Don't try to understand it intellectually; surrender to it. I've had Kinesiology a few times and couldn't explain it if my life depended on it but it works. So, when I lie down on the practitioner's table, I let go and trust. I've done Yoga, studied astrology, numerology and Buddhism. I'm a traveller, a seeker, a student of life and I will never stop learning till I leave the planet. Am I enlightened? Certainly not all the way, but I see the light firmly ahead and I 'm always walking towards it. That's what enlightenment means to me.

Why then, if we're all directly or indirectly being led to enlightenment, is there so much unhappiness in the world? Fear. Resistance. And more fear. Even when we're shown the light, we still have to know it's light we're seeing. Some only see darkness and that darkness blocks out the sun and everything that is good.

How then can we seek and sustain enlightenment in a world gone mad with materialism, technology and competition, one that is riddled with fear and insecurity?

Here are some of the things that have helped me:

ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance takes away judgement and therefore enables the light to come through. Anything that takes us away from the light, from our truest selves, such as fear, control, self doubt, hatred, anger, conflict, negative thinking, should be avoided. In the light, we can flourish, spiritually, psychologically and emotionally. Acceptance brings with it a sense of peace and serenity because we put down all that fatigues us, all the fighting and arguing over differences, all one upmanship. What differences? Acceptance wipes them all out and only radiates love.

DETACHMENT

Detachment is directly related to acceptance because when we detach from judgement, we start becoming more objective about other things too. I always suggest to my counselling clients that as we grow and change more, gain more interior wisdom, we can start becoming observers of our own lives. In this way, we step out of emotional responses that might lead us astray. Indeed, we become truly enlightened, able to make wiser choices, know our true hearts and drop our defences.

PEACE OF MIND

This is really the foundation of all happiness and thus, enlightenment. Without peace of mind, everything is difficult; with it, everything is possible. It is absolutely imperative to all areas of health and wellbeing. It stems from self acceptance and feeling comfortable in one's own skin, feeling complete and in harmony.

TRUST

Fear is the antithesis of trust. It engenders control and defensiveness. When we trust, we are totally open to life, willing to surrender the reins and knowing that all is good and we are safe. What could be brighter than that?

LOVE

Almost all topics in NOVA lead to love. That's because it is the living ingredient in all our endeavours and certainly in the quest for enlightenment. Love is enlightenment and enlightenment is love.
Remember love resides inside each of us which means we can never be without it. So the ultimate enlightenment is within. We have an inner sanctuary which is nothing but light and we have access to it 24/7.

JOY

Joy also emanates from love and flows from the lifeforce, and is thus, again, a birthright and constantly available to us.
The astrologer, Jonathan Cainer, says, "When the light of happiness is shining, sadness simply has to disappear." I see enlightenment as an umbrella that shields from us darkness and ignorance, protects all that is good in life.

Now we know what brings us to enlightenment, maybe we should consider how to best reach it by choice rather than wait for it to be thrust upon us. Here is a blueprint based on the counselling process I use and that you can apply in your own life.

MOVING PAST DENIAL

Just the act of asking for help seems to have a magical effect. We know that acknowledgement of a problem brings us halfway to solving it. But how does counselling help, specifically? There's the obvious benefit of venting, expressing feelings and basically just unloading. After this happens, there can be a sense of euphoria, but then the hard work begins. There can be no healing without pain, not because we can't learn lessons joyfully, but rather because the pain itself is the cure. We have to delve deep to where the truth lies, where pain is and salvation too.

UNDERSTANDING THE PAST

It begins with confronting the past. Childhood has a lot of information for us. It's not about blame or dwelling on old hurts, but rather to look at the influence of our childhoods on our current lives, our choices, feelings, behaviours, actions, relationships, everything. As children, we absorb core beliefs about literally everything. These form the patterns by which we live as adults and the key belief is the one about ourselves which, in turn, dictates our self value. We can't know what beliefs are at the conscious level, but we can ascertain what they are by looking at the lives we lead. Poor health, relationships, work life, financial affairs, home life and so on tell us a lot about our self image and what from the past is harming us. Once we identify the problem areas, we can work to release the patterns
that are negatively driving us.

EMBRACING OUR POLARITIES

We are not one dimensional. We are made up of a mass of polarities.
Part of self acceptance is embracing the many opposing qualities that make up our personalities. If we only love the positive parts of ourselves, we are in judgement and thus, not self accepting. It's hugely liberating to see our light and dark aspects and love it all, to walk in balance between the two energies with no preference. That is true psychological health. When we love ourselves unconditionally, we also stop judging others - enlightenment.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

We can't live free, pure, enlightened lives until we synthesise past and present, exorcise the old demons and stand proudly in our imperfections. This process is arduous, lonely, even frightening. But what we gain is literally priceless. More than a new beginning, more than life change, more than emotional and psychological freedom. Spiritually, we are already perfect, but we're not here on the planet to be anything other than human. That is the whole point and our journeys on Earth are about growth and lessons and healing. Our stories may differ, but that experience doesn't ultimately vary.

So, going back to the beginning, the three definitions for enlightenment I offered -
consciousness: substitute the word awareness. Awareness is the beginning of all enlightenment. Without it, we are most definitely in the dark. Self knowledge and flexibility opens the door to further exploration and positive change.
wisdom: here I see the absence of hatred, bigotry, judgement, conflict, pettiness, competitiveness, limitation. No enlightened person engages in these. Instead, there's compassion, love, honesty, forgiveness and empathy.
spiritual awareness: from consciousness comes wisdom and then spiritual awareness. We're all spiritual from birth, but awareness of our spirituality is something else. There might need to be some effort expended to come to this realisation in the same way as counselling or bodywork or yoga or meditation brings us to better self knowledge. Living intuitively and in trust changes everything.

Life becomes experiential, experimental, daring, adventurous.

That's what living in light is all about.

Welcome to enlightenment.