We all know that famous saying 'Follow your Bliss'. But where does it lead? Relationships counsellor Dr Charmaine Saunders tells us to look within and get acquainted with your inner child.

Bliss. Even the word evokes a feeling of joy. We all know it means a heightened state of happiness, almost Nirvana, but it's much more than that. It's a philosophy and a way of living one's life. Moments of bliss are spontaneous and available to everyone, but to be in the state of bliss, you have to make a conscious choice. The closest synonym for bliss is passion because the two emotions are often linked. What you feel passionate about tends to bring you bliss. That's a key factor which is often overlooked - bliss is personal and varies from person to person although we can all recognise the common feeling when it comes. Bliss is always a form of joy no matter what creates it. For some, bliss is football or another sport, to others, poetry or music, yet others, family or nature. However, bliss can come through things that are not on the surface at all blissful, such as cleaning or weeding or giving a speech or minding a mob of children. One person's bliss is another's poison, to misquote the famous saying.

There can be no discussion on bliss without mentioning Joseph Campbell, the man who coined the phrase, "follow your bliss". I always thought that this expression meant bliss could be found somewhere up the road, perhaps the yellow brick road or the garden path. I found I had misunderstood the concept when, one night I came home late, put the TV on and happened upon Joseph Campbell being interviewed on this very subject. The interviewer asked him what his bliss was and he said, "Music, my family and my students". This made sense as the man is a music professor in the US. Then, like me, he expressed curiosity about the location of bliss, seeing as you're supposed to follow it. "So, where is bliss?' Joseph laughed and indicated a space next to where he was sitting and he answered, "Right where you are". Then it made perfect sense. Bliss is an impulse from within; it's not outside you at all, therefore it's not a physical following but a spiritual, not a seeking at all, but an obeying of the call from the internal self. It's ever-present, always available and accessible, ready to erupt in a spray of joy when you let it.

So, how do we follow our bliss? For once, the answer is simple and singular. Bliss is linked to your inner child so meet her/him, get acquainted and you'll have an abundance of bliss without even trying. Okay, I lied - it is simple once you let your inner child out, but the process is not totally easy. It is highly desirable, however, and worth every ounce of effort put into it. Have you ever known a child to stop indulging their bliss because there was cleaning to do? We need to learn that level of focus, not just for jobs of work but for pursuits of pleasure. To a child eating an icecream cone, that scrumptious treat is the whole universe. Children excel at the art of total enjoyment, intense pleasure and pure indulgence. We adults usually eat an icecream while checking our shopping lists, walking, talking, listening to a mobile message, reading a sign and so on. I remember a friend telling me once that she learnt about "the Zen of washing up" at her philosophy class. It sounded pretty comical, but it really just means being fully present in the moment whatever we are doing, even mundane chores. Bliss is distilled joy and can only be experienced in the stillness of time and motion, when all else stops and the heart lifts in sublime flight.

The reverse question is also relevant - what stops us feeling bliss? In a nutshell, being too adult, too responsible, dutiful, busy, stressed, productive, ambitious, involved - all highly prized 21st century attributes, but which take away from our centre, from our joy. How many of us stop ourselves following our bliss for that precise reason? We come out of the office on a hot summer's night with thoughts of the ocean, cold drinks and some time-out dancing in our heads. The impulse is to stop off at the beach, dive into the sea and then enjoy a cold beer or iced coffee. But no, we can't do that! That would be irresponsible - after all, there's dinner to cook, a pile of ironing waiting, not to mention the poor dog needs feeding. Is the world going to end because you take an hour out for yourself? Will the jobs at home not still get done? We cancel our own bliss constantly. Of course we have obligations, things we cannot put off or avoid, but attitude is everything - as usual! With a blissful attitude, there is no struggle, no defeat, no endurance or sacrifice. Even duty takes on a different meaning.

I used to think that spirituality was a pursuit, a process that requires work and time and a degree of difficulty. It took me a long time to realise that being spiritual is as natural as breathing. There's nothing to do. The Orange Movement leader, Bhagwan, said that when you choose joy, all is meditation. Again, I found this an obscure idea till I digested it and found it not only palatable but delicious. To my understanding, it means that joy is present every minute of every day and once accepted, even boring tasks become meditative. There's no need to put time aside to sit and chant or wear special clothes, burn incense or attend special classes. These are aids and trappings and while useful, do not form the essence of meditation which is essentially communion with the inner self. The first step to living a blissful life is to accept joy. That's relatively clearcut. Next, do the inner childwork - less clear-cut. Here's how. You can do it through a therapist or by yourself. Clear some time and space, sit quietly in a comfortable chair, close your eyes, have in your mind a picture of yourself as a small child, no older that 10. Breathe steadily and see yourself entering a room in which you as your own inner child are sitting on a sofa. Walk up to this child as you would a living one in the present, place your arm around the child's shoulders and say something like this:

"I am so sorry for any hurt you have suffered,
the damage that's been done to you.
I love you very much and I promise I will never let anyone hurt you again.
I will protect you from now on."

Embrace, cry, laugh, release in whatever way feels right for you. In this way, you merge your adult self with your inner child and the synthesis brings healing and closure. We always carry our inner child inside us but after this exercise, the child within lives again. It is no longer trapped under a mountain of conditioning, negativity, wounding and neglect. It is now free, expressive, dynamic. With it comes all the glorious childlike qualities that we have suppressed - spontaneity, trust, joy, affection, confidence, living in the moment, fearlessness, openness, honesty.

What a legacy! How can it fail to be blissful? One word of caution - with daring can come impulsiveness, abandon, and, most of all, uncharacteristic behaviour, which can be very frightening at first. The inner child will not bring endless fun and laughter; there will also be hurtful memory, tears and painful healing. That's why I say the process is not easy or straightforward. I always warn clients before they embark on this particular journey. There are many and varied reactions, some strange and unpleasant. One client began dating several men and sleeping with them all, something her moral code would never have allowed previously. With the removal of the suppression, her responsiveness became extreme.

A pendulum never swings into the middle. It has to first swing over to the other extreme and then gradually level off. So it is with us humans. When we are released from the prisons of our past, we are not moderate or balanced. We scream, rail and wail, accuse, hate, rage and weep. If we have been sexually repressed, we might become promiscuous; if we were stingy, we might go on a spending spree; if we were quiet and introverted, we may become loud and demonstrative. If you know these extreme reactions are coming, it's less threatening. They can last a year or just a few weeks. No matter how uncomfortable it gets, the liberation can only be positive because a life full of rejected parts is a life half-lived. The secret of psychological wholeness is acceptance of the complete self, dark side as well as the light.

No one can offer us bliss. It has to come from within. In the same way, we can follow our own bliss and share bliss, but we cannot ask others to follow our bliss. I had a sober reminder of this one day when I woke up feeling fantastic and called a friend to go to the beach with me but she had a dentist appointment and didn't want to cancel it. I felt really deflated though I normally enjoy doing things alone. I was bursting with bliss and couldn't understand anyone preferring to go to the dentist. However, after I thought about it, I realised I was trying to make someone follow my bliss and it just didn't work.

It's easy to find blissful things all around us every day. You only have to open your eyes, mind and heart. Here are just some ideas to get you started - Bliss Out with....

• A sunset
• The ocean on a sizzling day
• The smells of freshly baked bread, newly mown lawn and a really good ground coffee
• The face of a baby mid-laugh
• Listening to a sublime voice raised in song
• The sound of laughter
• The sight of people having joyful fun
• Sights, sounds and smells of the bush
• The hug of a loved one
• An old, heavily wrinkled face
• My cat's face scrunched up with pleasure as she dozes in the sun
• A cold drink on a hot day
• Walking past the doorway of an airconditioned building in a heatwave
• The smile of a stranger Walking barefoot in sand

This is just a minute sample. Bliss comes through all the five senses. You can feel it (silk on the skin or an aromatic massage), smell it (sun, sand and sea on the skin), hear it (beautiful music or the words, "I love you"), taste it (coconut icecream!), see it (a great film or painting). It's different to euphoria which is fleeting, or excitement which is usually attached to an event or person, or the high which comes from stimulants because that is contrived and temporary. Bliss can be planned for but must be allowed spontaneous expression. If it could be bottled and distributed to all human beings, the world would change overnight. But alas, we are here on the planet to journey, not to arrive; therefore even the path to bliss has to be voluntary and chosen.

Make your own list and practise bliss in every moment. Bliss will be found by some of you in religious fervour, in the silence of a church or the pageantry of a service; others, like me, find God in the trees, wind, sea and sky. My ultimate bliss is floating in the ocean. It is the bliss of freedom, connection and utter peace. It tops sex or food or anything else wonderful. Find your own bliss and moreover, decide to live a blissful life. It's your birthright. In the delightful film Happy Feet, the send-up guru character speaks of "the couch of perpetual indulgence". Let that be your goal regardless of your individual lifestyle, resources, age or any other factors. When you can have as much fun taking out the rubbish as dancing the salsa, you'll know you're there. You are in the state of bliss.