Occasionally, and then only for the most fortunate among us, a door opens at some stage of our life revealing the pathway to our destiny. And when your surname means 'bringer of peace', the road ahead seems one you feel compelled to take to achieve true fulfilment. Margaret Evans spoke to Freerk Ykema.

For Freerk Ykema, the realisation of his future path became clear during his secondary teaching career in his native Netherlands. As a physical education teacher, remedial teacher and, more recently, student counsellor, the gentle, approachable Freerk sensed it was "already the mix" to help him make a real difference to the education of boys, in particular.

"I already knew the problems of boys and girls as a counsellor and I also saw the learning disabilities, especially of boys, as a remedial teacher. But I am also a father of one son and two daughters so I asked myself what is really important for my children and my students at school to learn. Along with maths, English and geography, there must be something more, like life skills," explained Freerk during a recent visit to Perth to address a major teaching and learning conference.

His obvious empathy with young people and a background in various Eastern disciplines including judo and Tai Chi, which he has practised for the past 17 years, pointed him on what he terms "a pathway to spirituality".

"Particularly in Tai Chi I felt the connection between physical activity and the mental, social and spiritual. But a lot of boys aren't interested in Tai Chi because it is so soft. They don't understand the power of the flow."

The interplay of physical strength and flexibility contained in a willingness to "flow" has evolved into a program Freerk is now introducing to receptive audiences around the world, including an increasing number here in Australia.

For instance, the recent Perth gathering, the 2002 Excellence in Teaching and Learning Conference organised by the Fremantle-based Centre for Excellence in Teaching, attracted 400 educators from throughout Australia.

His approach, which he calls the Rock and Water Program, builds on the complementary strengths of 'the rock'- uncompromising and hard, but also firm and assertive - and the flexibility and willingness to cooperate and flow around the other of 'the water'. His underlying drive is always to improve a young person's ability to communicate; to overcome the barriers facing boys, in particular, to expressing their thoughts and feelings and true personality.

Again, his background in Eastern spiritual and martial arts came to his aid with the program's name. "I saw it in a book on martial arts and I knew immediately 'This is it,'" said Freerk.

Physicality is a very important part of the program which can successfully begin, he says, when boys are about nine. It is now taught increasingly to girls as well, but his initial focus was on helping boys in his own country and in many others with Australia high on the list, who are missing out on life's opportunities.

"Education problems, vandalism, lack of motivation, lack of desire, self destructive behaviour"- Freerk's litany of the woes facing boys in his own country has an all too familiar ring about it.

When he was asked almost a decade ago to join a group of men to set up a program in the Netherlands to prevent sexual violence, his first thought was that the focus was too narrow - and time has proven him correct. "I knew boys had a problem with violence. They are perpetrators of 90 per cent of violence, but they are also victims of 90 per cent of violence. Nevertheless, most boys who came into my office weren't talking about violence of any sort. They were just asking 'What can I do?' They just felt lost," said Freerk whose open, friendly nature seems perfectly cast for the role of school counsellor.

His own grounding in Tai Chi has provided him with a platform to launch his novel program which he describes as "physical, social teaching". Showing boys, and a growing number of girls, to "centre and to ground" in response to threats, stress or other problems they face, is his starting point.

"In general," says Freerk, "when boys meet problems they have two options - to fight or just run away. Girls don't do either. They are just paralysed, passive. A lot of girls just feel fear and fear paralyses."

The difference, he explains, is to do with the level of testosterone in the blood with boys having nine times more than girls. As any parent of a teenage boy will vouch, testosterone is rampant, but the wide variation between boys and girls comes as a surprise to many people, according to Freerk.

Along with his mantra "to centre and to ground", the 'bringer of peace' speaks to his students in many different countries of building a rock and water house. Its building blocks are self control, self reflection and self confidence, and for girls, a fourth, stepping into action. Together, they form a solid foundation for the floors above of safety, assertiveness and social skill training.

Encouraging girls to do something as simple as cleaning the windows, or starting to whistle is all the response they need to banish their stress or fear. It's the 'stepping into action' Freerk is convinced is their pathway to feeling stronger and more secure. "With boys, we teach them to centre and to ground to avoid a response of starting to hit or to run away immediately."

The macho image of manhood conveyed in video store shelves around the world, not to mention the rap culture punching its beat out of the United States, is a huge barrier to a teenage boy gaining a true understanding of himself and his place in the world.

Freerk approaches this dilemma by avoiding any talk of relaxation techniques like breath control even though it's a fundamental skill in his program. "Instead, we teach them the belly is the centre of power and they're interested in that one," he laughs. "After that, we teach them the belly is also the centre of calmness. They're interested in that one, too, because they know that even when you're strong, if you can't control your power, people will laugh at you." Only then, says Freerk, does he dare to add that the belly is the core of sensitivity and feeling: "And when you are centred, you feel more".

A typical lesson starts with 10 minutes of physical exercise followed by a short chat, with the pattern repeated for an overall mix of about "80 per cent physical activity and 20 per cent good discussion".

He long ago identified improving communication skills as the key to a young person's future happiness and success. "The ability to communicate well is more important than it used to be 20 years ago and far more important than 50 years ago."

The response of girls in his classes and seminars to the question "What does it take to become a real man in our society?" is revealing and very consistent, says Freerk. "Words like caring, loving, sensitive, communicative all come before strong, but we don't teach boys to be like that! It's probably a real shock to boys, but it's a real eye opener."

His followup question is always "What does it take to become a real woman?" And, invariably, the answer is almost identical. "So to be a real man and a real woman is almost the same thing. The only difference is the way of getting there."

Australian society with its culture of laconic, laid back males more comfortable sharing cricket scores and footy feats than anything vaguely intimate, is probably one his biggest challenges. As Freerk diplomatically puts it, "Compared with the Dutchman, the Australian man is still rather macho, rather silent. He has the mask of being determined, but it's just a mask".

"The Dutchman also carries a mask, of course, but in our society it's more natural to communicate, men with women, boys with girls." He feels Australian boys are "more isolated in themselves" and less able to express their thoughts and feelings than their counterparts in the Netherlands or Belgium.

The problem is only compounded by fathers or male teachers who are equally silent and unable or unwilling to express their feelings. And so the cycle continues into the next generation.

At the same time, though, and a bright ray of hope for our Aussie boys' future happiness, is the swelling interest in the Rock and Water Program in this country. Freerk already spends about six months of the year touring Australia- "in all the big cities and many of the smaller ones"- passing on his message. Last year alone he trained almost 500 Australian teachers in his technique, with a similar number booked into seminars this year. Australian mothers and women teachers are responding in force with the balance at his talks now tipping heavily in their favour. It's a trend Freerk welcomes because, as he says, "Teachers who are mothers see the problem with their own sons and their male students. But a lot of male teachers don't see it because they have the same problem."

The changing energy and 'water' power of women in particular to communicate and to come together, maybe a turning point. Freerk certainly thinks so: "In all Western societies boys are missing out, but in Australia, I think, you're getting on top of it."

Rock and Water Institutes have now been established in Western Australia and Queensland. Freerk will return to country WA for seminars in May and June.